First Post

I've been wanting to write my blog for months and was actually successful at several occasions in setting up one or two. But that (setting up) was just about it. After the setup process where the server tells you 'Congratulations geek, you can start blogging!', my fingers would freeze and my mind would start to wander through the astral realms of Flash Actionscript and Pesto pasta and my ambitious blog would be left by itself starving for a first entry.

It was only lately that I came to realize what was stopping me from writing that elusive first post. I looked inside and asked, "Why couldn't you write? Why couldn't you start?". By way of a subtle voice from within came a response, "I am not inspired. I don't think there is any significant event in my current life situation that is worth writing. I am living a boring life."

I began to reflect on the answers and agreed that, indeed, I view my current life situation as something not worthy of documenting, and those thoughts devoured all the energy I need in writing about them.

I divided these thoughts in two simple core issues:

1. BORING LIFE. I find my current life situation unexciting.
2. UNINSPIRED. I felt no inspiration in writing down entries about my existence.

Having listed the hindrances to writing, it was then easier for me to address the issues. As I look closely into Number 1, past experiences begin to surface one-by-one. Three years ago I almost died from drowning on a river with a friend if not for a local resident who was brave and smart enough to do the very thing I needed to survive; that was pushing me towards the top just enough for me to grasp for little air and began pushing me towards the direction of the river bank. It makes me shiver every time I relive that moment. A year after that, I suffered from Anxiety Disorder for barely a year which made me feel immobilized and hardly socially effective. There was a point where I could barely eat and sleep, always thinking that something bad is going to happen to me. It's amazing to learn (and I learned it the hard way) that these thoughts of fear can actually cause physical manifestations. I would begin to feel tightness in my chest for weeks, nausea, numbness and pain in different areas of my body. Those feelings made me (the core effect of anxiety disorder) think that there is something wrong with my body, that I have a heart disease, etc and that leads to more anxiety and more sensations. The fears fed the sensations and the sensations fed the fear and the cycle never ends. The ugliest side of anxiety disorder was that it brings with it certain phobias. It came to a point where I don't enjoy going to movies anymore (one thing I really loved before) because I became afraid of going to crowded places. The struggle with anxiety was a tough one but I conquered it, when most of the people I've heard have been struggling with it for decades and I really feel sorry for them. That is actually the point in my life that I hold dearest, because it transformed me to who I am now. It made me realize that the mind is a very powerful tool, too powerful that it can even destroy its master when it goes berserk. I realized that it I should be the one controlling my mind and not the other way around. There would be so much to tell from the anxiety disorder period of my life that I am afraid I would sway from my original topic. I'd probably put it on a separate entry though =).

So, where was I? Yes, experiences...

Having reviewed those experiences (apart from the many too long to even mention here) , I again asked myself "Were those experiences insignificant? Were those boring?" Maybe for some people the answer is yes. They'd probably think, "Nearly died? Worrying too much as to get sick? That's not interesting.", and then they go back to passing bills and implementing new tax rules =). But for me those were very interesting stories. So, my answer to myself was; maybe if I just looked deep enough, I would have realized that nothing was really insignificant. It was all part of the very complex and interesting process called 'life'. Each minute of each day of each month of each year, something excitingly real is happening within us. We have a life unfolding and we should never take these things for granted. They hold lessons that we could learn if we just quiet our minds and push the auto-pilot buttons off. These lessons will bring us the inspiration we need. Which brings me to second item on my list, inspiration. Searching deep within, feeling the vibrancy of life, looking at past experiences and not being attached to it but grasping all its essences to form new ones are the perfect elements to create those inspirations. Even those simple talks with your husband, the home works you have not accomplished, the deadlines to be met, seeing a rainbow, watching your 5-month old kid smile, sipping a perfectly made coffee on a misty morning... these are things that make life complete and infinitely brilliant.

So I encourage you to look deep into your self, no matter who or where or what you are doing. You are a life unfolding. Start living. Be inspired! :-)